Bachelor Heartbreak

My mom and I started watching the Bachelor when it first aired years ago and while I have missed several seasons in the long stint, I have caught most.  However, this season I have been particularly emotionally invested in Sean and the women vying for his love.  I don’t know if it is my still recovering health, planning my upcoming wedding or the stars of the show, but it has really been heartbreaking watching the girls get kicked off each week.  I’m not denying claims that the show is far from a “reality” show.  I think that maybe the events causing the bachelor and the contestants’ emotions could be a bit staged or manufactured, but I have trouble believing that their emotion is not real (at least for most). 

The classic date on the Bachelor has two equally important elements: the couple overcoming an obstacle that pushes them out of their comfort zone and often terrifies them beyond belief and spoiling them with lavish treatment even the richest of bachelor’s could not afford on his own.  Oh and lots and lots of wine. I tend to find the first element most infuriating.  Take for example last night’s episode.  Sean had to know he had suspicions about AshLee and he takes her on a boat to eventually stop in front of a cave and there informs her that they have to swim through it to get to their private beach.  AshLee attributes her fear of the cave to her fear of abandonment from being given up by her birth mother.  She further states that she has to trust Sean and take this leap.  Well I for one was never without love in my childhood, but still have a crippling fear of open water (and what lives in it) and caves (and what lives in them).  Secondly to borrow wisdom from Meatloaf “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”  I love Tim more than anything and in almost 2 months I will pledge to love him forever and I wouldn’t have gone through that cave for him.  Furthermore he would never dream of asking me to.  It feels a bit like relationship hazing to me.  I could picture a senior sister in a sorority, saying something similar to a freshman pledge.  If you really want to prove your loyalty to us you will streak the quad etc. 

In the real world one typically only conquers fear of commitment on a date, but that doesn’t mean that this psychology doesn’t come into play in other areas of our lives.  Most everyone has in one way or another been involved in a team building activity whether it have been through work, school, church, or other extracurricular activity.  When I started in my work training program we took a day to go and complete a ropes course.  Since heights have never been a huge fear of mine this endeavor seemed fun, but it scared some people to the level that swimming with sharks or cuddling tarantulas would have to me.  Of course it was still optional, but like many a Bachelor date those that chose to not participate, regretted it as everyone excitedly talked about the thrill it gave them.  Selma, a contestant on this season, actually got sent home after choosing not to risk hypothermia by plunging into a Canadian lake.  Watching that episode, I thought good for her, sticking up for herself and not being peer pressured into taking a dangerous risk that she has no desire to do.  Because if a man is going to judge you based on that, you could do better.  While not all team building activities involve conquering fears they do always strive to push participants outside of their comfort zone, which could describe the entire taping of the Bachelor.  There is something wrong with you if you are perfectly comfortable watching the man you are “falling for” date other women, so even the attention the bachelor shows them to ease these fears creates this sense of overcoming something with a would be partner.  Looking back on the training program, the ropes course was one of my favorite experiences and really bonded me with my fellow co-workers.  So I can certainly see where an experience like this would bond a couple with a budding relationship. 

 I’m very hopeful that on the “Girls Tell All” episode next week that all the girls are getting on with their lives and any heartbreaks have been soothed.  More thoughts on this to come!